Climbing a frozen waterfall.
"#What is there to do at UAF"
Anonymous asked: what steps did you take to overcome your depression? I really want to do it on my own but I don't know where to start could you maybe write something about it? :-)
I have written so much of this. It’s in almost all of my work, even if I don’t say it outright!
- I’m Fine I’m Just Tired
- You Are An Illness I Barely Beat
- Maybe Liking Myself Was Just A Phase
- Under the Sea
- Things To Do When You Kinda Just Feel Like Dying
Getting myself out of a very bad place meant making a lot of positive decisions and distancing myself from things that catered to my unhealthy thoughts. It meant learning who I am and making decisions which made me like myself. It meant removing myself from toxic relationships-romantic and platonic- doing things I wanted to do, and moving. It meant taking bad thoughts for what they are and not allowing them to convince me to do terrible things, especially to myself. It meant not driving myself crazy with over-thinking and logically looking at my problems to find ways to solve them. It meant accepting myself and stopping thoughts such as, “You’re useless. I hate you,” before they even began. It meant getting away from anything which did not allow me to grow and love myself. It meant not making how I felt about myself something that others so easily manipulated.
Self-hate takes so much energy and once you believe that you deserve self-love, things get easier. I’m not saying I don’t feel terrible from time to time. I do, but that’s normal. I’m no longer in such a poor place that everything is difficult, especially making decisions which benefit me. I would highly recommend seeing a professional if you are struggling with severe depression. No one deserves to suffer so much without any help.
inthislifelikeweeds asked: Hey man, I just got accepted for a job out in Fairbanks this summer. I honestly do not know a single thing about this place. Can you give me a bit of an overview? And what does the Art/ Music/ Skateboarding scene look like over there (if there even is one)?
Fairbanks is simultaneously a university town, a military base town, and a tourist town. This means that the surface is crowded with ppl who don’t know what they’re doing and are attempting the geographic cure. If you are collected and together this is an amazing place where you can do most anything you set your mind to. If not you’ll still have plenty of understanding friends.
The art/music/skateboarding scenes are much less money and youth-oriented than other towns I’ve lived in (Portland, Chicago, Los Angeles). It is a vibrant local scene focussed around friends living where they want, doing art they love.
We are small, and we are big.
We are not the children anymore.
We are the bleeding city we play in.
We roll and rumble, thundering on,
feed the river
change the streets.
Let’s build a new path!
Leave the crust and remnants wild; the city is us.
The city is us.
We flood out – Feed the river!
Baptize us new.
Sing the fanfare – We are big!
The song will grow as we practice.
We will try to be brave, bee stings and all.
Let us be brave.
There aren’t enough magazines, or if you will, all existing magazines are useless. We are appearing because we believe we are responding to something. We are real. This excuses us from being necessary. There should be as many magazines as there are valid states of mind. The amount of printed matter would then be reduced to very little, but this little would give the abstract and total of what should be thought, or what is worth publishing.
All magazines are slaves to a way of thinking and as a result they despisethought. They all have the serious defect of being edited by several people. Thus they imagine that they are reflecting a state of opinion, when they are really only a grab bag. For there is no such thing as a state of opinion, there are various opinions which are more or less worthy of being expressed. But humanity is incurable. No one will ever prevent people from being sure of their own thought and suspicious of someone else’s; if someone who has a valid point of view wants to give it an audience, he has no choice but to start a magazine. We have a point of view that is worth expressing. Circumstances external to the fact of thinking correctly or incorrectly prevent existing magazines from accepting this point of view in its absolute nakedness. There are no free magazines; all magazines have what amounts to a creed. Thus we are choosing the only means of being ourselves and of being ourselves totally.
We will appear when we have something to say. When we think that we have an interesting view on a false way of thinking, or when an aesthetic or moral phenomenon seems to lend itself to discussion. This magazine will therefore be a personal magazine, interesting in that it will be the creation of a single individual, but we will welcome as guests those artists and writers whose work seems to accord with our state of mind, to illustrate it, or to relate to it in some way.
What kills us is less the grandiose
pains, and more all we did not say
all those unheroic afternoons—
we lick our lips and taste them there, like the dust of a city
we have lived too long. In the empty hour of the evening
televisions flicker through other people’s windows
blue as every shameful thought to slosh
through our minds, as bars of night
fall soundless across the floor. Touch where it hurts,
they said, dull and unholy. And quietly you think
I am just seventeen, and yet I know
what it is to wish is that it was as simple
as outrunning it, letting our past selves,
our wasted loves, peel from us – or letting it loose
to the hot, amber wind, like a fistful of dirt—
being born again, and brave enough to love;
whatever that means,
in a tub of wheat. I had a dream once,
me swimming in an ocean of human spines.
The tide rose, filling like a lung, like that night
before I left. Do you remember? We went down
to Bibi-Khanym, watched the peaks of the mosque
rise like ice cream cones. The backs of the billboards
all looked the same. You told me not to look back,
that memories were less like fading carpets and
more like flickering streetlights. I’m not sure
which is better. Do you remember?
How we saw that taxi hit an old woman. The evening
exhaled, breath like over-steeped tea. How I stood there,
gaping like a fish in petroleum. How you turned to me.
How you asked me if it all meant something.
There is a woman washing herself
in the bathroom at the public library
where I volunteer once a week
like the good, affluent, educated
college student that I am supposed
to be. She smile sheepishly
as she catches my eye—not the real ones
but the shadowed bullets in the mirror.
One foot in the sink, she scrubs harder,
quicker, as if attempting to erase
herself. And I wonder what it says
about me that I am inclined to write her
as embarrassed and not just friendly,
how I want to describe her shame
in the perfect, pitying metaphor.
I wonder if this is the real me,
standing beside this woman
with her elbow under the faucet,
or if she sees right through
this reflection. I know nothing of this
woman’s life. In a month I will
receive a piece of paper
that says you know so much
and the truth is I know nothing.
Making a zine titled “The Little Death” after the French translation (“la petite mort) of “orgasm.” The zine will be based around sex. That’s it. Let this be an opportunity to write about everyone you touched. Let this be a reason to paint your fantasies, to take photos of your favorite lingerie, to write a story about your sexual experiences or try your hand at erotica. If you’re interested in submitting, send your ideas to lora-mathis.tumblr.com/ask.
im curently on tour with boost house to promote our new book the yolo pages !! please come to these events if you’re close, and tell friends who live nearby !! we can hug & talk & selfie.. the boost house dog is even coming! all the shows are All Ages, and just $5 suggested donation that goes directly to boost house
this is a new form of poetry touring for me, and i’m nervous but hopeful that we can make it work financially. if possible please bring cash to these shows to suport with a donation, or puchase the yolo pages or our new "make something beautiful before you are dead" t-shirts
thank u so much :) excited to meet a bunch of you this next 9 days